I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
