She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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