So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Randomize
