who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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