I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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