you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I wish there were birth control emojis
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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