Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
