so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
