Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
