My first STD was from a foam party
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
