Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
