We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
