I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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