The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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