i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My life is pants optional.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
