I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
