He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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