dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You dont lie about slip and slides
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
