During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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