I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
