Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
