So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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