so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
