i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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