it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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