so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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