Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
