We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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