What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
