I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Randomize
