The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
