Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
