My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
We named our party play list daddy issues
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
