I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
