I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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