she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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