Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
