Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
