i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
