If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
