I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
