I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
