"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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