can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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