dude i'm inner monologue high
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
