Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
