Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Say something about gay babies.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
