When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
