I can tuck mytits in my pants
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
