you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize