i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
When did angry sex become our thing?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
