am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
